They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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