we made out on top of his cat.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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