my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
