I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
