drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
