I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
