I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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