WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
