I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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