I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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