is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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