The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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