I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Let's get the cat blown out
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