Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
