Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
