best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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