somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
