We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just found puke in my bra..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize