did you get engaged???
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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