if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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