Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
