I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
