The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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