Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
