hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize