hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
