I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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