My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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