I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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