oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
