we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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