i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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