i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
