so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
