Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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