Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
