I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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