someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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