So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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