Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just want nice things and good sex
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize