sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
