The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
whose parrot is this?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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