Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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