Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
