Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
