The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
