forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
