yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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