They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize