nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
