but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
