Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
