i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
