fuck your aforementioned shoe
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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