Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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