Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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