sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
