I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
