I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
you're hired as official boob wrangler
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
