I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
