Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
