I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
