so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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