I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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