They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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