I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
