Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
