I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
