nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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