Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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