my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
