So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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