You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
