Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
FUCK WHALES
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
