Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
