I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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