What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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