I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
