the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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