i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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