You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i think i have two assholes
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
