i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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