and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
