...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize