I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
