We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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