Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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