3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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